"Teddy Cannon is a really dumb name." That's my first
note on K.C. Archer's School for Psychics.
I know, it's not the wittiest or most astute observation, but it would prove to
be the narrative thread of the next 368 pages. Of all the issues I had with
this book, the most egregious isn't even Archer's fault--it's that of the blasphemer
who had the audacity to refer to this as "Harry Potter, but for
psychics" in the book description. Then again, that was enough to get me
to invest hours of my life, so who's the real fool here?
School for Psychics centers on Teddy, a 24 year old millennial
stereotype and orphan (√) with a penchant for "timely" references,
geriatric idioms, and cringe worthy gambling metaphors. Teddy, who dropped out
of Stanford and has trouble with authority (√√) is on the run from a Russian loan shark to
whom she owes $270,000 of her adoptive parents' money. Just when she's made
peace with her cement-boots fate, she is recruited to attend Whitfield
Institute, a secret school that will hone her and others' psychic abilities to
be used for homeland security upon graduation. And with that, we enroll in
what's ostensibly grad school, but more like a high school.
There, Teddy meets a menagerie of caricatu--er, I mean characters,
like her roomie, gregarious Jillian, who can commune with animals, Molly, an
empath computer hacker with a dark secret, Jeremy, Molly's khaki-flavored
psychometrist boyfriend, death warning receiver Dara, and last but not least, Pyro
(X-Men alias Lucas), the former cop bad boy with a heart of gold and a fireball
in his pocket. These crazy "kids" make up the Misfits and are in
direct competition with the other six "normal" students, the Alphas. It's
all obstacle courses and telepathy lessons until students start to go missing
and Teddy begins to suspect there's more to her origin story than meets the
eye.
This is where I’ll leave the remainder of the story to the author and share the Good and the Bad of School for Psychics
The Good:
-It was a quick read:
While it may not have been well-written, it was easy to get
through. The pace of the plot moved swiftly and there wasn't a ton of filler.
-The story has potential:
In better hands, this story could have gone far. If the school
itself had been better developed *cough*Hogwarts*cough*, it would have provided
a better foundation. Once the "real" central plot kicked in, I found
myself exponentially more engaged than I had been, and I noticed the sins of
the early writing were steadily decreasing. If the book was longer or if the
fat was trimmed from the earlier chapters, this plot would have had more space
to breathe and develop properly.
The Bad:
-The characters' ages:
The only reason I can see for making them all in their
mid-twenties is to avoid the Harry
Potter/Hunger Game/Divergent/Twilight fatigue of high school aged
characters and to differentiate itself by being about adults, but not
"grownups." This failed miserably. Every time their age was mentioned
I found myself shocked because the characters were all so immature and behaved
as though they never spent a day in the real world.
-Teddy's libido:
This kind of piggybacks on the above complaint, but this was so vexing
that it deserved its own moment in the sun. Teddy's constant musings regarding
every attractive male she lays eyes on and the way in which she expresses these
thoughts had me thisclose to putting the book down for good.
"'See you by the pool,' she
said...she actually wouldn't mind seeing him by the pool. All that muscle and
maybe a pair of tiny European swim trunks. It's been a long time, okay?"
"...she spotted a hot guy slouched in
the corner...Teddy wondered about the talents of the hot guy."
"She was going to need an
extracurricular activity to let off steam...she saw the hot guy smirk."
"Teddy looked over to see the hot guy
slouch down in the seat next to hers...he looked like the kind of guy who'd
enjoy breaking the rules."
"It took her another second before
she put it together: Jillian Blustein wanted to get laid."
"She couldn't help but stare as he
walked away...and damn, the view was fine."
"...he had the ass of a minor Greek
god."
If it took a lot to get through those quotes in this review,
imagine wading through that muck in a book.
-The writing in general:
This book was poorly written, there's no way around that. The pop
culture references to Ryan Gosling dreams, Taylor Swift and Katie Perry's feud,
a Long Island Medium Halloween costume (I live on Long Island and even I thought
this was a wee bit esoteric) already feel dated. The non-stop poker clichés
about going all in, knowing when to fold, bluffing, reading the table,
etc...were so painful and forced. And in stark contrast to all this immaturity,
were bits of dialogue that sounded like they were written in a retirement home:
"...the pain was nothing compared to
her desire to take him out--not for a grain bowl, but for a knuckle
sandwich."
-Teddy's a poor man's
Jessica Jones:
This was a pretty minor irritation, all other things considered,
but I think Archer was watching a little too much Netflix when she crafted this
sarcastic loner who drowns her sorrows in booze and boys and proudly rocks a
uniform of "badass" boots and a leather jacket.
TL;DR: While the concept of School for Psychics and the developing series' arch have potential, the laughable writing, cardboard characters, and weak protagonist overshadow any sliver of hope. I don't need to be psychic to know I'm not going to continue this series.
I received an ARC eBook from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
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